Rumination

When we love, we love deeply, beyond the depths of logic and reasoning and to the point of near insanity. We apply logic behind closed doors, beneath the surface of reality but dismiss said logic in real situations. Why? We live in a society of love drunk idiots, immersed in emotion and devoid of reason – WHY?, maybe because we can. Maybe because our emotions are what define us as people, amplified by our spirit to paint the picture of LIFE. 

I find myself contemplating the what, why and how as I look at my reality. Where once I felt a sense of control, I now accept that life, in all its complexity, is an anarchist. While a solid and consistent pattern of sound decision making may point you in the right direction, understanding that you can be thrown off course is one of lifes’ great lessons. In tern, one of lifes’ great challenges is in the ability to course correct, resilient and determined. 

Life is inconsistent, unfair and unsurmountable, as hellish as Dantes inferno and magnificent as Mount Olympus. A  journey fuelled by opposing forces, it is both cruel and kind, wondrous and devastating. I find myself wondering how I can influence the outcome. Is it fate? Are you a shitty person because you’ve done shitty things? Are you equally as shitty if you’ve done shitty things that were done to you? Are we a product of our past in the present and what does that mean for our future? Think about it and get back to me… 

… 

Further to my last post, I was able to have my furlough approved to go home for some much needed R & R. Now back in my curtain sided cell, my mind is on hyperdrive as I look forward to what awaits. Most in the cancer community would denounce this type of forward thinking, encouraging an incremental approach 1 day at a time. Yeh, yeh, yeh – I get it but it is in my nature to think beyond this nightmare. My counter to the community – I feel that I can better brace myself for impact by thoroughly understanding the incoming fire. I’m getting there. 

It’s important to remember that no person should be defined by a single action or decision. My tendency has been to form an opinion of others based on an initial impression landscape, majorly influenced by appearance, decision making and personality. The result = a superficial determination at best, inauthentic and unrepresentative of a person. You only ever really see a fragment of a much bigger picture so judgements are best reserved for the wise and made by the ignorant. Wait until you have the blisters from walking a mile or 2 in their shoes. 

Life is both cruel and kind, a vibrant multicoloured abstract canvas for us to interpret through a dichotomous lens.

What do you see?