Mio Angelo
It’s a sobering reality to be caught reaching for the phone only to remind yourself that the person you’re calling isn’t there. My diaphragm swells up, inflated by heartache, followed by a feeling likened to pleural effusion- gasping for oxygen while submerged in a bayou of tears. The memorial of her passing unleashes imagery that invades my mind, a loop that has branded me in a state of perpetual mourning for the last 2 years. I turn to my writing to attempt to extract what she means to me, an endeavour in which I can’t help but fall short, as words as I know them, don’t do her justice.
My eyes are closed as I try to summon my memories, begging whoever will listen to not dampen them, to keep them vivid and loud, however painful. I pray to whoever will listen that she knows how remorseful I am for not being around when I couldn’t and even more for all the times I could but didn’t…
Nonna,
For all the life lessons, nurture, and example you set for me, I am forever appreciative. I remember the good times and continue to look to you when I’m uncertain or my faith falters, to be the man that you saw in me.
The gratitude I feel for you holding on in the hysteria of your ascension replays in my mind, raising Marquesa to see the woman largely responsible for her father, to help him say goodbye to his life-long best friend- flashing in my mind like a strobe light on the edge of a seizure…and then you pull me back.
Thank you,
On the anniversary of her passing, I leave you with her eulogy, raw and airbrushed with one edit, her newest great-granddaughter added to the Coletta team roster.
Our family has requested a virtual memorial mass in her honour, live streamed at St. Clare of Assisi church on Monday June 15 at 7:45 am EST. The mass will also be uploaded to their Youtube feed if you would like to join at a later time.
For anyone that wishes to join virtually, please click here to navigate to their Youtube page.
Life is a rollercoaster, a series of ups and downs that has your heart beating out of your chest one minute and the next -waiting in curious anticipation of the next sprint. Throughout our journey we’re surrounded by passengers that enrich our lives and give meaning to our time on this earth, kindred spirits that we’re blessed by but not permanently affixed to – mine was my Nonna. My mother gave me life; my Nonna gave me the motivation and courage to push through it uninhibited and unapologetic.
June 15th marks the day my grandmother exited this ride, my heart broke and my motivation stalled. It has become all too apparent that our time here is short and irony has it that our loved ones time be even shorter. It is then, only appropriate that I recount her impact on my life.
I’ve been told that God blessed me with an unbreakable bond to my Nonna that had been fostered from birth. Our relationship can only be explained by the word love, not in the loose social context that it is exercised but true to the meaning that it was intended. I feel as though to truly understand her level of involvement in my life, I would have to describe Nonna as my second mother, biggest supporter and confidant. In my life, I have turned to her example to find the strength to be resilient in life’s greatest challenges- finding comfort that we endured together. I can recall listening to her routine telephone conversations where she would boast seemingly menial accomplishments – which granted may have given me a complex but also conditioned me to always see the best in myself. Some of the discussion topics included:
- The entire street commenting on how “stirato” (ironed) my uniform looked, a testament to her tireless pressing efforts.
- My uncanny ability to eat an an entire panettone or pizza scarrola and occasional gelato before dinner. Like any good Italian boy, a good appetite was considered admirable. A concept that truly fed into my iron man physique.
- My choice to not only partake but enjoy household chores. This was a foreign concept to that generation but a trait that I inherited and evolved, primarily in our Saturday rise and shine mornings. And by shine I mean, the bathrooms, furniture, kitchen and anything else we could clean to brillare (shine).
From infancy to early adulthood, my sister and I had quite successfully relieved Nonna and Nonno of ever having to feel empty-nest syndrome. Her open door policy, I feel, was a reflection of her resounding commitment to family – a trait that her lineage would continue to parlay into their individual households. I had always admired Nonnas fortitude in response to difficult situations, turning to her steadfast faith. I can vividly remember hearing her speaking alone in a room – which I would later come to know was praying. Sometimes it was also her speaking to herself or venting because I had done something wrong- loud enough so that I could hear and…quickly
– Apologize OR
– Fix what I did
A true matriarch, her devotion to her family was unrivaled and fierce. I say fierce most intentionally as it was ill advised to cross her and especially her legacies. Whether I was right or the many times I was wrong, her maternal instincts sheltered me from harms way and instilled in me the true meaning of unconditional love. I must commend her on maintaining that stance in spite of my teenage shopping trips to the bar which she frequently said left her with 0 bottles of “whishkey”
An exuberant personality, one of her favorite pastimes was to speak on the phone, a tool to stay connected to her family and friends and a way to amplify her reach as she praised her loved ones. Without fail, my friends would normally be witness to Nonna beaming with pride as she triumphantly explained that she raised me. Irrespective of the audience (my mom included) her endearing recollection of hiding me in a closet so that my mom couldn’t take me home was whimsical. “hi me, hi me” she would re-enact time and time again- and Nonna would always comply. I can still feel the mink coat on my face as I stood still, hoping that I could stay with my best friend. I should mention that my success rate was good.
She was the champion of our family, a journey that began 65 years ago and evolved to what we see before us today. She is survived by:
Her husband, 3 daughters, 1 son, 10 grandchildren and 2 great-granddaughters.
It seems that the tables have now turned and she is hiding from me, out of sight but never out of my mind and heart. Until we meet again, I find solace in her watching over us accessorized with a set of leopard print wings and crystal halo.
I love you, Nonna.
Riposare in Pace.
Mi manchi di più ogni giorno che passa. Sei per sempre nei nostri cuori.
Sei la mia forza quando sono debole
The Hopeful Motif 