Our lives are intertwined in a net of preexisting knots, some stronger, some older, many supportive though all entangled. The incongruent relationship that is manufactured can give rise to fire, frictions child. We are in an era of human dissonance, turning a blind eye to harmony, coexisting inauthentically.
We live in an age of patchwork, delicately threaded quilts that we tug and pull at for lifes’ “comfort” in contravention of our own values, conceding to societal expectations. Why? However misguided you may think the notion, I have always thought of myself as a man that is inspired by the happiness of those around me. The inverse to this danger zone is the dejection I harbour by perceived disappointment – actual or imagined. Starting as a boy, evolving into a man and most importantly a father, I now understand that this is inherent to my very being.
Being the best man, husband, father, son, brother, friend, nephew & grandson that I can be means that I need to transform, a change that is incumbent on me to continue, maintain and cultivate for my own happiness. A change that I will no longer ignore because despite the widely accepted misconception, we can’t afford to transact on our quality of life. Call me despondent which might be a fair assessment of my past – here and now I choose to rise from the ash.
For 3 years, I’ve raised my wings ablaze, a heat that has burned with such fiery stripping me bare. My reflection is hollow and dull, ashen and unrecognizable from what my pictures show me, a grief that germinates in my soul, waiting for permission to let go and move forward.
¹“I got way too much time to be this hurt
Somebody help, it’s getting worse
What do you do with a broken heart?
Once the light fades, everything is dark
Way too much whiskey in my blood
I feel my body giving up
Can I hold on for another night?
What do I do with all this time?”
I love strong and hurt hard, I will not be commanded nor will I pretend to be who you want. I am broken but have the stimulus to conquer, to be proud of who I am and all that I’m not. I’m not acting, I’m working – pursuing a life free of mental constraints and self imposed limitations.
That is what I want for you, Marquesa. Uninhibited and unapologetic to be exactly what you want.
Everything I do or have endured in this world, mistakes I have made and decisions that I praise enable me to be your navigator – always leading you home, my triumph.
¹ Lyrics from LANY- Malibu nights
The Hopeful Motif 