Erosion

Eating on my hospital bed, the curtain is closed to block the reality that looms in front of me, natures ticking bomb. A timer seems to be set for all of us, a destiny in which we have no control- hovering through a predefined path indignantly. Resistance seems futile when imagining the slope of my uphill battle, sometimes 90 degrees where even gravity is against me. In our lives, we are blessed by people that compliment our ride but that we soon learn are not affixed to it. Within the last 2 years, I have been confronted with loss. Loss for the life I had and took for granted, my nonna 1 year departed and for everyone I’ve dragged along the way. 

As I sit here collecting my thoughts, I find myself suffocating, missing the person I was and forced to become. We know from an early age life is fuelled by death. One is necessary for the other to flourish yet our experience is so drastically different. It is different because we can’t miss what we never had yet can easily pine for what we did. Perhaps we have a limit to how much or how many people we can lose, a slow erosion like rock into sediment.

Outside of my bubble, I have been monitoring a close family crisis- close lipped and closed curtain. I tend to avoid writing about subjects that make me uncomfortable, thinking the written word may perpetuate a bad situation. It was for this reason that I remained idle, hoping and praying that my uncle would rebound this one last time. He would come through this last hospital visit humbled and appreciative of his gift – a come to Jesus moment that he so desperately needed but never found. 

We experience life with highs and lows, only really to appreciate one in the midst of the sharp harsh contrast of the other. My uncle was a man that forged a life born of strong family values and a steadfast loyalty towards his inner sactum. Separated by time, our paths were produced on a similar stage, with common characters that resulted in a lifelong bond and brotherhood. My uncle was a larger than life personality and people pleaser, one of his most admirable traits and faults. A lifelong socialite, he excelled around family and friends and reserved judgement in lifes’ pitfalls. My hope is that he is at peace and aware of how much he was loved. I will forever regret having missed the opportunity to say goodbye though I will always carry our good times, life lessons and assigned moniker:

“Bush-pig”, said with life-long gumption and enthusiasm”

A term of endearment that I whole heartedly keep close to the chest, exclusively reserved for my uncle.

❤ Nonna, you can give him a pass on the nickname. Take care of each other.

 

___________________

Wimp C