With a constant bed shortage, there is no doubt that this disease is indiscriminate and afflicts the most unweary prey. Unlike my previous 2 sentences, this stay has proven to be a true test of endurance – on day 44 and only 1/3 of the way in. In contrast to my first induction, this round seems chaotic with 5 room changes since I was admitted. More disturbing are the number of patients that have come and gone as I remain trapped in time, idle and frustrated.
Most of the relationships bonded in here are anchored to the admission and fizzle away upon discharge. Having seen friends pass away while undergoing similar treatment has hardened me to the possibility of forming friendships in this setting. A defence mechanism? Easy Pavlov…no need to infer.
The doctor just told my roommate that they’re aiming to discharge him by the end of week. What I would do to hear the same words or even the possibility of some solid discharge timeline. In my case the topic seems almost taboo and I’m left wondering WHY. I suppose I understand why for this week (starting a new antibody treatment) but beyond that, I’m scratching my head.
Perhaps when my roommate does get released, I can move to the side with a window. In place of a window I now have curtain with a view much to be desired. The fluorescent lighting stains my surroundings, like looking through an all day jaundice lens, gloomy yet typical of hospitals. The ever-present stench of bleach and overused and under scented bed linens engulf the floor, reminiscent of a 30 year old cloth that has been regularly laundered with minimal detergent. I miss fabric softener.
If nothing else, the benefit of making connections in this setting is the relatability that can come from someone in your shoes. Though every person and situation is unique, the 1 constant is that the disease has grossly impacted patient lives. Journey sharing can be a double edge sword, sometimes hearing the good as well as the bad but this is usually trumped by the comradery felt in knowing you’re in the trenches together.
Realtime update
Not all is lost – I just heard some promising news from the senior staff physician. Assuming that I don’t have any adverse reactions to the drug within the initial 8 days, I can be discharged for the remaining 20 days of treatment! I’m reluctant to be excited as I’ve been at odds with lady luck but it may be time for a reconciliation.
Maybe I’m next through the door, for a short while at least.
Here’s to hoping. Cheers.
The Hopeful Motif 