PSYCHO THERAPY

Day 41 and I find myself clawing at the walls to escape, escape my reality and retreat to my happy place. Hospital walls were built to house the ill and as time passes my admission feels increasingly more fraudulent. At the moment, I have the benefit of feeling relatively well, improving with each second that passes from chemo – knowing that additional treatment is on the horizon…looming.

Finally, decisions are being made regarding my treatment as teams of doctors work to reach a general consensus. Tentatively, I am scheduled to start the ALL miracle drug over the course of 28 days. After the unwanted cellular clean-up, I am slated to be moved to transplant, my Mount Everest.

Hoping to capitalize on this intermission, I have asked to be granted a reprieve – translated into hospital terms as an overnight pass. Almost mythical, the acquisition of an overnight pass has proven to be quite the feat, pushed to the very top of the house to approve my furlough. Waiting to wait, I sit here in anxious anticipation of the outcome, prepared to argue my case.

BIO/PSYCHO/SOCIAL

I find that hospitals have a tendency to focus on the BIOLOGY of disease and its’ treatment without or with little consideration for the PSYCHO and SOCIAL aspects. This continues to be an uphill battle as I stand firm in believing that the medicine of the mind is family and home- without which desiccation is inevitable.

The nature of my disease and treatment encourages isolation, an easy way for an introvert to evolve into a recluse. Social constructs are unwelcoming to the sick, projecting an inclusive illusion with an opposing reality. And so…what am I, are we, to do? Push beyond the discomfort and feeling of insecurity, I know that I’m one of many and that I have not changed as a person, only my exterior with a head to toe body wax.

Interesting how we devalue time we have in loads and grasp to precious hours when it is in short supply. To the common man, 24 hours passes with a daze of people, places and things and for me- an opportunity to refocus, breathe in my own environment, drink out of a real glass and sleep in my own bed. How perspectives change….

And so I wait as we sort through the red tape, politics and personalities.

Till next time.