Swimming in a pool of ambiguity, it is easy to lose sight of the prize. The nature of the situation demands a high degree of agility and servitude to an alien subject matter to avoid having to relinquish the nominal control that I desperately try to linger to. The benefit of having experienced a year in these trenches is that I am better equipped with knowledge by way of osmosis as well as my individual experience in rolling the medical dice. A double edge sword, amidst the ongoing barrage of medication- I find myself anticipating the expected toxic side effects, lambasted with nausea, stricken of energy and diminished spirit though my mind has not abandoned me.
I am abundantly aware of 2 schools of thought, the champions of the blissfully ignorant and over zealous self proclaimed medical experts – more appropriately termed enthusiasts. I believe that balance is key to avoid falling into either rabbit hole, knowing enough to advocate for your life while respecting that the medical community will have a leg up on the subject matter – though I have been able to accelerate my own learning curve.
Here is where I am to date:
Irrespective of health struggles, I belief that life is a cumulation of evolving baselines that change in response to our decisions and environment. The degree in which we choose to be plugged into these factors can largely influence our reality and the way that we perceive the world around us- a powerful notion for the recovery community. I might be as bold to say that the psychosomatic benefit could trump the IV tree but best not to dabble in such highly contested evidence absent theory…
Bottomline.
I have not chosen to be in this position and will not be generalized as a statistical anomaly devoid of optimism. I expect a comfort level that is equal and appropriate to the task so why would a journey through this dark cave be any different? I choose to leverage what I can to avoid missteps, time delays and encourage the best possible outcome.
If not, what’s the point?
The Hopeful Motif 